down-up-down...

Wow! At this very second I feel ok.

Friday is my 38th birthday and at 12:00 I have my psych appointment. After that D and I are gonna hit the river somewhere. COOL!

I been sittin here thinking of things that used to make me happy.

1. Mr. W
2.playing my guitar ( barely have the desire to pick it up anymore )
3. riding my bike ( looking at it makes me sick because I have to spend $1000 just to make it comfortable )
4. exercise ( I haven't done this in a while but vow to start again today )
5. The feeling of being of loved ( I know it's there, I know it is )
6. Working on modifying my vehicles ( but my I HATE my truck )

The only thing is that only one of these makes me happy ALL the time is Mr. W. but I feel like I'm bothering him because I keep asking him weird questions... he's just a kid and I need to leave him alone. I want to run but I don't. I know he loves me. I just wish he'd say it more but then again he is just a teenager.

It just sucks that I can't seem to break free of this depression due to my obsession.

I'm not giving up just yet though. Maybe D will help, maybe he won't. Maybe he can't. Maybe I'm looking in the wrong direction or expecting too much.

Exercise will help like it has in the past. I have stayed depressed for about 2 weeks steady now with not even one break. I HAVE TO BEAT THIS!

I HAVE TO WIN! I have too much love in me and around me to let go.