a little light can go a long way.

January 19, 2001 at 10:52pm as I stood outside alone in the driveway of my modest suburban neighborhood. I couldn't help but notice the stillness and silence around me; so peaceful, so beautiful. The wind was still and I couldn't help but gaze at the sky. The sun has long since set and yet in an unexplainable way the sky was bright. Vivid dots of white with only the slightest hint of smoke-like clouds. Perfection. For those few minutes of my life I was comfortably alone... or was I?

As I stared up at the beauty before me my mind began to wonder as it once did often and I was reminded of the many repressed moments I've felt the way I did at that moment. It's the weather; Cool outside, but far from cold with the slightest hint that summer will once again return. All of a sudden my dull, self absorbed sadness was at bay, replaced by peace. I smiled ins pite of myself being alone at the moment. I'm used to it. Only I didn't feel alone. I felt connected as if I were surrounded by the ones I hold the closest. Content filled my heart and my mind. Beauty and comfort only God can provided and I embraced it as I too felt embraced.

Although I'm convinced that my way of thinking is rational I started to ponder light. Now I'm not talking about the kind of light we read by nor am I referring to enlightenment. I'm talking about light in the sense of others around us that illuminate our very existence. I think that the common thread that holds us all together is the basic human desire to seek the light of others. We need other people in our life. We need to feel loved and to know the joy and pain of loving. For some of us it's Mom and Dad, for others it may be your children and grandchildren but others such as myself it's merely a simple friend that brightens and enlightens the road of life.

It's commonplace to love your family and to make sacrifices for them as they do for you but what about those not related to you... the ones that just evolve into someone priceless. I'm not talking about your boyfriend or girlfriend but what about those who love you and never have to say it. The people you know love you; The ones who project their love so profoundly that even in silence you can hear it. You can feel it. Those are the people that you make sacrifices for and don't even realize it because to do for them is a joy. There are no words to describe love on such a level.

I'm blessed to know that love. To be illuminated by such presence, however briefly, continues to shine upon my life eternally, and tonight looking up at the sky it wasn't the stars that shined upon me but rather the smiles in my memories, the laughter of my past and the gratefulness to remember them both.

A Tribute to Depression

Now there is another one that won't escape my mind

Leave me like all the others but haunt me all the time

Joining me in solo journey that never seems to end

Pouring all my love upon an imaginary friend

...an imaginary friend


And I never saw the difference between growing up and growing away

I thought it would be forever, the time we had to play


So now I live in horror with dreams of suicide

A wounded hole inside my heart where you can run and hide

I'll be right here waiting just like I said I would

And I'd give my life for you if I thought it'd do you good

...if I thought it's do you good


All of the depression that I must endure

The loneliness you impose yet you're the only cure

I guess the pain's a love song to show you that I care

If it's the cost of loving you then it's a cross I'll bear

... you're the cross I bear


And I never saw the difference between growing up and growing away

I thought it would be forever, the time we had to play