I did love until my heart became black and blue.

I fell in love one last time. Such a fool I am.
I saw all the warning signs but only in hindsight.
The kid forgot me once and then again and then once more and again.
I can't forgive because the hurt won't go away.

I tried to buy love. I tried to coax it out with material things but it wasn't there. It isn't. Maybe it never was or will be.

I lived in my own dream for a minute and for the first and last time in my life it had purpose, so I thought. Maybe I wasn't thinking but instead hoping. I tried to show love not only the ways I know how but to learn new ways. I read so many things to try to help me be a good influence, a good role model but I guess I blew it.

I never knew how to throw a football before. I learned. Was it love? I never got tired of him so it had to be, but it was one sided. I'm a video game. Played until the new wears off.

It has to be me. I have failed.

I lost my temper towards him. It wasn't because he damaged some of my possessions. It wasn't because he spilled something. It was because I was forgotten twice. Then I was lied to and now here I am forgotten again.

When his Mom got a new boyfriend I told him that I was going to lay low because I didn't want to interfere. He actually shed a tear. It hurt me so I decided to keep on going. That was my BIGGEST mistake.

Now when they are together I am out of mind. I have become an afterthought. Still I don't regret telling him how much I love him and I don't regret ANYTHING I've ever done for him. My only regret is becoming a part of his life because I am stuck here helpless while he hangs around . And I am forgotten.

What do I mean to him? Do I mean anything to him? I can't tell anymore. He acts the same around him as he does me. Happy. Seeing that makes me happy because that is all I want him to be is happy in his youth. I also want to see him succeed and to become a responsible man. I want him to be a man of his word.

I have no place wanting anything for him.

He is not mine.
He never was and...