Doctors will tell you that stress will kill you quicker than anything else. I say stress along with a sedentary lifestyle and a horrible diet is a self-inflicted death sentence! So WHY THE HELL am I doing all of the above?
Well for one thing, when I'm stressed I tend to eat. I don't snack a lot or overeat, but when I eat it more often than not is on fried food, pizza, etc. It's like a temporary high. On top of that I feel so unmotivated to work out. How foolish of me when I know better than anyone the effects of healthy eating and exercise can impact your life in a positive way. I did it for years having turned my life 180 degrees and now bouncing back to the other side.
Let's dissect this, shall we? ( Alright, so I now I'm talking to myself here, but aren't I always? )
Main causes of stress in my life. The big 3:
1) My current job. It's beyond dead-end and has no benefits, not taxes, no set schedule throughout the day and surrounds me with temptation to drink. On top of all of the above, since I hate the situation I can't help but feel a constant state of stress.
2) My relationship with my Father. I'm not going into detail but it too leaves me in a constant state of stress.
3) Loneliness. I I have a lot of friends yet I don't. I feel so inferior and/or superior to so many people. I really don't know any peers and up until recently my weekends were spent alone where my only joy was cutting grass. Social anxiety is a bitch.
What makes me happy? This is a tough question and the first thing that pops into my head is beer, but that, just like food is a temporary high, both with very dangerous consequences.
1) Without question my number one joy in life is spending time with my little buddy. Those that know me know who I'm talking about. Sharing yourself with someone is an amazing experience. You can not put a price on the feeling of being loved and needed and there is no greater feeling than when someone asks you for help.
2) As odd as this sounds one of my joys in life is exercise. Although I haven't done it much in a while, the feeling you get after working out is wonderful. After a few weeks of lifting weights and running you feel so accomplished and I could go on and on about the benefits.
3) Number three is a mix of things. I like riding my scooter on nice days. I like playing my guitar when others are around and I pretty much like being outside doing just about anything whether in the yard or the garage.
So there are six things that affect my mood in one way or the other and still for the most part I spend my time home, alone, reading. I'm not sure if I love to read, but I do love to learn. Still when I'm with someone I never suggest curling up with a good book or looking up a blog on the 'net.
So where am I going with all this? Where am I going?
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
treadmills and treachery
Well as good as things seem to be going ( well actually they are ) on the outside of my skin, my internal struggles seem to be going nowhere. I've spent a lot of time with the kid lately and we have made a lot of progress around my house, still having plenty of time to do things for him which makes us both happy ( I think ). I'm still working on my own business and that too is a good thing because it gives me hope for a better life. I'll soon be able to do things for people that I never could before. Still I struggle with the " here and now ". Maybe this is just the way it will always be for me: happy/sad.
Lately things have been disappearing around here. First it was my watch which I had been wearing only minutes before it vanished. Next was a few important papers that I sat on my bed just before I went to taco night at Fernando's. When I came home an hour or so later that were nowhere to be found and just this weekend a pair of underwear were added to the M.I.A. list. My first thought was that I was losing my mind and that still very well may be the case. Another theory I have is that there is a ghost in my house. I really doubt this could be true but I do remember earlier this year that I saw one here, in my room.
I was laying in bed late at night and having often suffered with insomnia I was not in a peaceful dream state but rather my tossing and turning mode. While lying there I felt as if someone was watching me. I opened my eyes and saw a figure at the foot of my bed. He was wearing all black with a black hat, sort of a cowboy hat and a long black coat. No sooner had I saw him when he quickly moved across the foot of my bed and into my bathroom. I instantly screamed "WTF!" and jumped out of bed and into the bathroom. I turned the light on and saw nothing. I opened the shower door. No one was there. Could there be a link to the figure I saw months ago and the missing things of recent? I am not sure, but I hope this isn't the case.
I am afraid. The only things is that if the lines between what is real and what is not are blurred and if the missing things are the result of a black out of my awareness then I have to ask myself what to do. I keep hearing noises at night. NOt really voices but rather noises; tapping, ticking, etc. I know a lot of this can be dismissed as " the house sttling " but c'mon. No matter what is happening, I need help.
I don't fear physical harm yet I am afraid to go to sleep. I know that God protects me from things like this, but still I am afraid. Is this really happening? Do I indeed share my home with another spirit or is my anxiety getting the better of me?
I need to know.
I suppose if it's anxiety then there is no better time to get back to my work out regimen as this relieves stress but can it cure my mind? Should I seek help for me or call the ghost busters? All I know is that I have to find a way to make my mind and my things turn up.
Lately things have been disappearing around here. First it was my watch which I had been wearing only minutes before it vanished. Next was a few important papers that I sat on my bed just before I went to taco night at Fernando's. When I came home an hour or so later that were nowhere to be found and just this weekend a pair of underwear were added to the M.I.A. list. My first thought was that I was losing my mind and that still very well may be the case. Another theory I have is that there is a ghost in my house. I really doubt this could be true but I do remember earlier this year that I saw one here, in my room.
I was laying in bed late at night and having often suffered with insomnia I was not in a peaceful dream state but rather my tossing and turning mode. While lying there I felt as if someone was watching me. I opened my eyes and saw a figure at the foot of my bed. He was wearing all black with a black hat, sort of a cowboy hat and a long black coat. No sooner had I saw him when he quickly moved across the foot of my bed and into my bathroom. I instantly screamed "WTF!" and jumped out of bed and into the bathroom. I turned the light on and saw nothing. I opened the shower door. No one was there. Could there be a link to the figure I saw months ago and the missing things of recent? I am not sure, but I hope this isn't the case.
I am afraid. The only things is that if the lines between what is real and what is not are blurred and if the missing things are the result of a black out of my awareness then I have to ask myself what to do. I keep hearing noises at night. NOt really voices but rather noises; tapping, ticking, etc. I know a lot of this can be dismissed as " the house sttling " but c'mon. No matter what is happening, I need help.
I don't fear physical harm yet I am afraid to go to sleep. I know that God protects me from things like this, but still I am afraid. Is this really happening? Do I indeed share my home with another spirit or is my anxiety getting the better of me?
I need to know.
I suppose if it's anxiety then there is no better time to get back to my work out regimen as this relieves stress but can it cure my mind? Should I seek help for me or call the ghost busters? All I know is that I have to find a way to make my mind and my things turn up.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Right. Down. The Middle.
Guess what? I haven't written in a while. I do have a reason though. Before I proceed I will warn you that this is going to be lengthy.
OK... here we go! First a few points. In July I rode my scooter to Helen, GA and stayed for a few days. I started writing what would become a 18 page blog entry that I never posted here. I will say that I did learn a few things about myself though and a lot of what I learned is good. Anyway by the time I'd stopped writing I had covered several hundred miles riding from Georgia through Alabama and then onto Mississippi ultimately ending up just shy of the Texas border in the town of Bossier City, Louisiana where I stayed for a few days before heading back to Georgia. Now rather then recap everything I wrote down I'll just pick up with what's going on today.
It's Wednesday evening and the weather is cooling. The leaves are barely starting to turn, but you have to look close to notice them. My grass is growing very slowly, fighting hibernation and my pool is all but useless unless you're brave ( which I was Saturday night... COLD ). I always seem to get so depressed in the fall as the holiday season fast approaches, but this year may be different in some ways. Oh sure there will be the inevitable arguments with my father, the stress of never having enough money to buy everything I want for all the people I want to buy for this Christmas and the painful look in the mirror and seeing that I didn't lose as much weight as I'd planned. You know what? All that ( well sans the arguing with Dad ) looks like it's going to be different this year. I've been blessed!
For starters I'm in the process of slowly but precisely getting my own business(s) off the ground. I'm embarking on a journey to places I've never been and I'm excited. I have very little to lose and so much to gain. I'm using and stretching my brain and the feeling is wonderful. I finally see the light ahead. I no longer feel trapped in my job and know now that it's only a stepping stone. I make just enough to keep the bills paid and put aside a few dollars if I discipline myself, but this is going to change. Soon I will be living a dream of mine. Will I become instantly wealthy? Maybe but I will be self employed!
Secondly I have found a very special friend. "D" from one of my earlier posts. Now I'm not going into a whole lot of detail, but I will say that feeling needed and trusted and loved are so great that there is nothing more a human could strive for. It's the ultimate gift from God other than that of his own son. The only other thing I can say is that I'm glad I have more time to save for Christmas because I hope to give him and his sister a great one.
Now the book: In late 2005 I read a book called The Abs Diet by the editor of MensHealth Magazine and it changed my life. By late 2006 I had went from a weak and obese 280+ pounds to a strong and lean 160+/- body with a nicely defined midsection. I did this by following the rules of the book. I simply ate healthy and I ate a lot! I ate more than I ever did at any other time in my life and lost weight. I exercised 3 days a week and sometimes four. I ran or walked on the treadmill six days a week for 30 minutes. That's it. I ate healthy and exercised no more than an hour a day on average for six days a week. I continued to do this for about two years and during this time I was completely off of any and all depression medication. I felt confident and was proud of my body. I miss that feeling so I'm rereading the book and am starting the journey back this weekend with a trip to the grocery store.
I did it once and I can do it again. This time I'm right at 200 pounds and my goal is to bulk back up and hit the 165 mark on the scale.
Other than that it's business as usual. I only work 3, maybe 4 days a week at my regular job and have dedicated my " off " days to working on my own business projects as well as the usual yard work, etc and the best part of all is I get to spend time with "D".
Well I have a plan, it's in motion. I can sway back to the way things were and get depressed or I can stay right where I am now, at the starting line OR I can take off so the next time I write hopefully I'll get an A on my progress report.
OK... here we go! First a few points. In July I rode my scooter to Helen, GA and stayed for a few days. I started writing what would become a 18 page blog entry that I never posted here. I will say that I did learn a few things about myself though and a lot of what I learned is good. Anyway by the time I'd stopped writing I had covered several hundred miles riding from Georgia through Alabama and then onto Mississippi ultimately ending up just shy of the Texas border in the town of Bossier City, Louisiana where I stayed for a few days before heading back to Georgia. Now rather then recap everything I wrote down I'll just pick up with what's going on today.
It's Wednesday evening and the weather is cooling. The leaves are barely starting to turn, but you have to look close to notice them. My grass is growing very slowly, fighting hibernation and my pool is all but useless unless you're brave ( which I was Saturday night... COLD ). I always seem to get so depressed in the fall as the holiday season fast approaches, but this year may be different in some ways. Oh sure there will be the inevitable arguments with my father, the stress of never having enough money to buy everything I want for all the people I want to buy for this Christmas and the painful look in the mirror and seeing that I didn't lose as much weight as I'd planned. You know what? All that ( well sans the arguing with Dad ) looks like it's going to be different this year. I've been blessed!
For starters I'm in the process of slowly but precisely getting my own business(s) off the ground. I'm embarking on a journey to places I've never been and I'm excited. I have very little to lose and so much to gain. I'm using and stretching my brain and the feeling is wonderful. I finally see the light ahead. I no longer feel trapped in my job and know now that it's only a stepping stone. I make just enough to keep the bills paid and put aside a few dollars if I discipline myself, but this is going to change. Soon I will be living a dream of mine. Will I become instantly wealthy? Maybe but I will be self employed!
Secondly I have found a very special friend. "D" from one of my earlier posts. Now I'm not going into a whole lot of detail, but I will say that feeling needed and trusted and loved are so great that there is nothing more a human could strive for. It's the ultimate gift from God other than that of his own son. The only other thing I can say is that I'm glad I have more time to save for Christmas because I hope to give him and his sister a great one.
Now the book: In late 2005 I read a book called The Abs Diet by the editor of MensHealth Magazine and it changed my life. By late 2006 I had went from a weak and obese 280+ pounds to a strong and lean 160+/- body with a nicely defined midsection. I did this by following the rules of the book. I simply ate healthy and I ate a lot! I ate more than I ever did at any other time in my life and lost weight. I exercised 3 days a week and sometimes four. I ran or walked on the treadmill six days a week for 30 minutes. That's it. I ate healthy and exercised no more than an hour a day on average for six days a week. I continued to do this for about two years and during this time I was completely off of any and all depression medication. I felt confident and was proud of my body. I miss that feeling so I'm rereading the book and am starting the journey back this weekend with a trip to the grocery store.
I did it once and I can do it again. This time I'm right at 200 pounds and my goal is to bulk back up and hit the 165 mark on the scale.
Other than that it's business as usual. I only work 3, maybe 4 days a week at my regular job and have dedicated my " off " days to working on my own business projects as well as the usual yard work, etc and the best part of all is I get to spend time with "D".
Well I have a plan, it's in motion. I can sway back to the way things were and get depressed or I can stay right where I am now, at the starting line OR I can take off so the next time I write hopefully I'll get an A on my progress report.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
