Packing my bags for the rest of my life

So it finally feels like spring around here. The grass is tall and the leaves are greening. The skies are warming and the birds are singing. The dawn of summer has arrived.

After work today, while digging through my drawers looking to see what shorts still fit me I picked a pair of blue plaid shorts which sparked a memory. Last summer I was fortunate enough to be in Panama City Beach, Florida for the fourth of July. I remember because on that day, besides my swimming trunks, I wore these shorts. Now you would think that memories of the beach, sun and fun would make me smile, but they didn't. The thing I remember most is what I was thinking when I bought these shorts. You see these particular shorts are actually a size 34 waist. I know this because I was forced to buy them as most of my once loose fitting size 32's had become a little tight. Sure I could still squeeze into them, but the key word is squeeeeze.

When I bought the blue shorts, just before my trip to the beach, I made myself a promise to lose weight by this time next year. Now with the arrival of spring and the looming " dog days of summer " it's time to cash in on that promise. Over the fall and winter months I've managed to clock in a few miles here and there running around the neighborhood but I still haven't managed to get back into any sort of routine. There was a time when my life revolved around fitness. My body came first and everything else was second. But there they were staring me in the face. A reminder telling me that I can't go back on my word.

Those shorts, unlike most of my clothes, are large. In this case bigger is definitely not better. My closet is filled with medium T shirts and size 32 jeans. In effect these cool-looking blue plaid shorts are a crossroad. To the left is apathy and complacency and to the right is a return to my roots, the real me. This got me thinking to myself. What are you going to wear for the rest of your life? Am I to be a cuddly 200 pound guy or a fit 160? Looking at these shorts is like staring into a mirror that sees into the past and the future which is the way I'm heading. Now it's time to pack my bags for the journey.

Now at this very moment, sitting in front of my computer, I'm doing nothing. And by nothing I mean nothing besides writing this and wishing that my three day long headache would go away. But in my mind I'm hard at work. I know at some point I have to go see the doctor for my annual allergy shot since I'm one of the lucky ones that always gets hit hard early on with sever allergies. Once my symptoms subside it's time to strap on those trusty running shoes and head back out into the world, my world. A world of work and reward. So even though I may be doing "nothing" at the moment, my plan is already spun into action.

In my life there is very little I have control over. I have a job I'm not fond of with pay that is even less attractive. Due to my financial state I live at home which has its' benefits ( financially speaking ) but the trade of is the lack of true freedom. If any of you have ever lived with a parent later in life I'm sure you know where I'm coming from. God bless our parents. Another thing I seem to have lost control of over the past several years is time. It seems that the older I become the more obligations I acquire. Things like cleaning the garage, grocery shopping, fixing a light socket, yard work, etc. all vie for my precious time. Still there is one thing that I, we have control over and that is our health.

Now rather then go into great detail about all the benefits of health and why we should all strive to be healthy, I'll just point out a few basic points.

1. Esteem: Being fit means feeling fit and feeling fit feels good and in turn helps you to feel better about yourself!

2. Longevity: Not only do those of us who are healthy live longer, but we last longer.

3. Inspiration: What better feeling is there than to help someone? By being fit, especially after not being so, we can inspire those around us to make positive changes towards health and ultimately towards happiness.

Now with the knowledge of fitness I have not only in theory ( not to mention my N.E.S.T.A. training ), but also in application as I managed to drop from 280 plus pounds to around 160 in a little over a year and keep most of it off for many years after
( although I am hovering close to the 200 mark now I stayed at the 160-165 mark for bout three years) It's time to pack my bags and begin my journey home. It's time for me to head back to the familiar streets for a run. Time to clean out the pantry and throw away the processed garbage. It's time to pick up the weights as well as my mood. It's time to go!

In my last post I basically blurbed my intended suicide. After writing that rather dim goodbye I started to think to myself: "What will make me happy?"
I wrote down a lot of things on a piece of paper, a list if you will. Well not really a list, more like a bunch of lists. Things like what makes me nervous and sad, what makes me happy, what are my dreams for the future. I wrote pages of responses to these questions, but it wasn't until I stumbled across a pair of little, well big blue shorts that I found my inspiration.

I hope that as you read this that maybe you found a little inspiration too.

E-mail me and let me know if you are in the same ( weight ) boat and let's do this together.

Until my next miserable blog...